Conant Clan {a boy and three bettys}: January 2014

Now that I don’t suffer from anxiety at merely the thought of my last trip solo with both girls, I’m willing to share my story. Neither my husband or I live near our families so unfortunately, driving isn’t always an option. As a result, I fly with my children. A lot. I use to even consider myself somewhat of an expert. That was at least until this flight. My oldest is four and has been on well over forty airplane rides. I’ve only flown solo with both my girls (the youngest being 2) twice … four separate rides. And if you’re a parent flying with kids, you count every single time to set foot on a new aircraft as a separate plane ride. If there’s a layover, you bet that most definitely counts as two flights. Because it is. Flying with children is not for the faint of hearts. Especially if they outnumber you. And no parent out there has the secret. No matter how much you prepare, pack, how many lists you've made or how organized you think you are, you will forget something. And that something will be the exact thing you need. It’s impossible to be completely prepared. You can bring everything under the sun and they'll be happy as a clam reading the in flight magazine. The only thing you can really do is try to relax and go with the flow ... and by all means order yourself that rum and coke.

My normal flight check list is as follows. Check one bag only because it’s all I can manage. Bring no more than two carry ons. No large awkward toys (no matter how much they promise to hold them, they’re bullshitters and they won’t ... you will be lugging those two big hard headed Lalaloopsy’s all across the airport). This is exactly when Squinkies come in handy. Only bring what’s necessary in your carry ons. Snacks … good god lots of snacks, iPad phone, wallet, keys, tickets, two diapers and a package of wipes, handsanitizer, a plastic bag for plane trash (the flight attendants never seem to be there collecting garbage when you need them), extra paci’s, fav blankets, a sippy cup each (the last thing you want is a sticky spill on the airplane), ibuprofen just in case (and this is for both you and the kids), a camera to record the circus you're about to endure, color wonder booklets (pricey but so worth it, coloring with no mess) and a surprise toy/gift. That’s basically my bag or bags. Now that Juliet’s old enough to carry her backpack, I have no hesitation putting her to work. To be perfectly honest, when it comes down to snacks, a small new toy, a new app or movie on the iPad, wonder markers, yada yada … I end up spending more than I’d like to admit on a flight.

The absolute hardest part about flying with children isn't the flight itself but navigating through the airport and getting to your gate. Finding a way to manage luggage with two kids, getting your ticket without losing your ID or one of the kids, getting through security when your youngest is terrified of the metal detector and THEN finding your gate … it’s such an ordeal. Every airport and airline is different. Sometimes there’s a train, sometimes there’s a bus, sometimes there’s neither. A word of advice. Never pretend or assume like you know what’s coming up. Cause you don’t. If you don’t know for a fact that you’re going to ride on a train, just don’t mention it. By doing so, you could be avoiding a severe meltdown. So just keep your mouth shut. Be excited about EVERYTHING. Because if your kids are like mine, they’re scared of anything new and different. If you act like this is the best flippin' day of your life, they might just be gullible enough to think it’s there’s too. If you act like falling on the train as it stops at a rapid speed is absolutely hilarious, they will think it is too. If you bounce three feet when you land … you pretend you’re Tinker Bell flying with a big fat smile on your face. If you only have one iPad, you get headphones and a splitter so they can watch the same movie together because it’s SO fun sharing. Right? If you follow these steps, usually your flight will go smoothly like ours usually do. Although I can't speak for this one.

The story. We have been visiting both sets of grandparents for almost two weeks. When flying out, my folks always walk us in, help with the bags and take us all the way to security. It’s really helpful. We get to SEA with a little less than two hours until our flight. We get into line at security (which is insanely long) and start saying our goodbyes. Violet decides that she doesn’t want to leave Nana. We’ve inched a little down the line and she runs right under the rope towards my mom. Anyone who knows Violet (my two year old) knows she’s got a horrendous temper. Screaming and laying on the ground now in line, I finally have to tell my poor parents to just leave. Out of sight out of mind. I coax her into getting up off the disgusting floor for a special treat. She's desperately begging for the m&ms she wasn't suppose to see that I'd stuffed in the bottom of the backpack. Every time I bend down to search in Juliet’s tiny backpack (that she has yet to hold) for a treat, the line moves up. Seeing how long the line is and how close we are all packed in I feel obligated to collect my things, stand back up and move forward every time even though it's just for a few centimeters. And every time I do this Violet looses it. Screaming, kicking, she's lost her patience. I can feel my cheeks burning as I attempt for the fourth time to find these darn m&ms in this freakishly tiny pink backpack. While Violet hollers. All I can think is, this isn’t my child, this isn't happening, we haven't even gotten on the plane yet. After what feels like an eternity, I find the m&ms. I give her one even though I know damn well that’s not what she wants. She wants to hold the bag. We’re getting close. It’s almost our turn so I just give her the bag. What’s the worst that could happen? She’d spill them everywhere. Well she did. I let two people go ahead of us while I scoop them off the floor. I have nowhere to put them but back into the backpack loose. Meanwhile Violet’s hastily eating as many as she can off the floor as if we’re competing. Finally we get up to the counter. The guy takes my ID and our tickets and starts questioning the girls. I’m not in the mood and they’re shy. Big surprise. He lets us go and I start flinging all our stuff onto the belt. I take off my shoes and so does Violet. A security lady comes up to her and tells her sweetly to put her shoes back on, “honey you don’t need to take yours off, you can keep them on”. For whatever reason, this sends Violet who's just calmed down into a rage. Juliet, poor thing is being incredibly shy but wonderful and I feel terrible that I can’t give her the attention/bravery pep talk I know she needs. Violet agrees to walk through the metal detector but not without holding her shoes. We get through security. I get my shoes back on. I get Violet’s shoes back on. I glance at my phone and see that it took us over 35 minutes to get through security alone. We race to the train. By now I’m certain the back of my sweater must be wet from sweat. All the seats are taken so we stand. I’m holding Violet’s hand but she still falls down smacking her head when we screech to a halt. I calm her down and we are back on our way. The second we get off the train, we’re greeted by an enormous crowd and escalators. Oh joy. Now the girls have just recently decided they LOVE the “movy stairs” and have successfully ridden them multiple times. They both agree they’d rather do the escalator than elevator so we go for it. I have both bags now, blankets and the Lalaloopsys in my arms. Juliet’s confident getting on. I get on while holding Vi’s hand (she refuses to let me pick her up). I let go of her hand for a second to pull up the bag that’s fallen off my shoulder only to look back and see that Violet has hopped off the escalator. Now, with all my baggage, I am running down a crowded escalator that is going up. Let me tell you, it’s not easy to do. I snatch Violet up while Juliet is now at the top of the escalator screaming, scared shitless. Sigh. We take another moment to regroup. We keep going. All we have to do now is find our gate. I have no clue what time it is. We proceed down a somewhat empty hallway (at this point a very welcome change). Now for those who know Violet know this kid never pays attention when she walks. She looks behind, at people, at her feet, at her dress … rarely in the direction she’s walking. Before I can react I witness her walk down a small flight of stairs right where the hallway meets with another level. I scrape her off the floor. She’s fine. We regroup. We hit up the nearest newspaper/goodie stand and I let the girls basically pick out whatever the hell they want and that I can manage to carry. As we wait in line I start to feel nervous. I haven’t checked the time since we left security and I know they typically start boarding about 25 minutes prior to take off. There was no way we weren't cutting it close. We barely made it. But we did. The flight itself was eh. Violet didn't want to sit in her seat during take-off. She had trouble giving up the tray table (which ended up smacking her right on her goose egg she’d gotten the day before) and the iPad when we started descending. During the decent is when I usually give them their surprise gift. Something to take the focus off the fact that we can’t finish that movie or that game. Well the surprise gift was naturally the m&ms. I will now have a back-up surprise gift. It’s insanely windy so our landing is awful, but we’re Tinker Bell so we aren't fazed. We get off the plane after a long wait (we’re row 33) and head to baggage claim. This is the one time I bring two suitcases. Stupid. Never again. We have over two hours until Chris is able to pick us up. I have now two suitcases, two bags, two blankets, two Lalaloopsy dolls, and two very tired kids. Who evidently have to poop. Immediately.

We make our way to the bathroom which takes forever and wait for Juliet to do her business. She can’t. So we decide to get a bite to eat. Thankfully there was a very open diner on the outside of security with plenty of room for our suitcases. We sit down and share a sandwich. I do not share my glass of wine. Juliet has to poop again, “like it’s coming out now!”. She has a pull-up on and at this point I just want to tell her to go cause I don’t want to get up again. But I don’t. We pay our tab and make our way to the bathroom. Halfway Violet decides she no longer wants to walk and needs me to hold her. I try to explain to a two year old while fighting back frustrated tears that it’s physically impossible for me to hold her. I don’t have enough arms. She calms down just as Juliet starts tearing up, humiliated because she is in fact starting to poop her pants in the middle of the hallway at the Kansas City International Airport. She was fine. We made it. We clean up, regroup again and head outside to wait on Chris. I vowed that I would never again fly alone with two small children. And that wasn’t just the fury talking … I still stand by that. Writing this down makes my ears red but I just want parents to know that you aren’t alone on those bad days. Shit happens. We get through it. We move on. I'm hopeful that neither of my girls are ruined by that trip. For the most part, they seemed to have had a good time. They got to snack on food they’d never get to at home, they got uninterrupted time on the iPad, they got a chance to visit a cute little bathroom and watch Mommy try to change Violet’s diaper on the puny toilet and they didn’t even have to carry a darn thing the entire time. At first when I reflected on this trip, I was angry. Angry at Violet for being so stubborn. Angry at Juliet for not being more brave. Angry at Chris for not being able to be there earlier. But now, since I’ve had some time to think about it all and what went wrong … I’m mad at myself. I’m upset I wasn’t more prepared this time, I’m upset I lost my temper, I’m embarrassed at what people must have thought of me and I could kick myself for letting the girls bring those damn Lalaloopsys. I was not a good mother to Juliet on that trip and it breaks my heart. I couldn’t calm her fears at security because I was dealing with Crabby McFussy. I can’t even imagine what was going through her head as she stood helpless and scared at the top of that escalator amongst strangers watching me run in the opposite direction. I couldn’t get her to the bathroom fast enough and she was humiliated because of it. So I won’t not travel alone again because it’s stressful beyond belief for me, I won’t travel alone again because it should be a good experience and the girls should have the attention and patience they deserve. The girls are still young fortunately and they forget and forgive easily but still, it wasn’t a fair travel day for them.